From: Michael@xenite.org (Michael Martinez)
Subject: How Would They Mangle It?  (Part 2)
Date: 19 Oct 1998 00:00:00 GMT
Message-ID: <70e04n$9d3$4@camel29.mindspring.com>
Organization: The Xenite.Org Domain -- Worlds of Imagination on the Web
X-Server-Date: 19 Oct 1998 00:12:07 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.fantasy.er-burroughs

Okay, let's have a little fun and pick on those Commercialized Bastards of
Hollywood.  If they were to make a television series based on the Moon Maid
books, what would it be like?

Nah-ee-la would probably NOT be a princess.  More likely she would be an
orphan girl that Julian rescues and then they wander across the fantastic
interior Lunar landscape discovering ancient cities, lost societies, and
exploring the mysticism of the lost Laythean civilization.  The Va-gas would
probably just be centaurs or horse-borne warriors.

The Kalkars would probably be thugs organized in gangs and mobs, or perhaps
unruly tribes migrating around looking for lost cities to loot and destroy.

The BARSOOM, instead of being the elegant, enchanting, 19th-century-style
spacehip with staterooms and rigging would probably be a slick rocketship
(perhaps even a starship, since no one would believe that Va-nah could
possibly be inside our moon) that crash-lands and is never seen again.  Or,
worse, it serves as the base camp for an alternate set of characters who go
through the usual hack plots that most SF series go through:

  1) the Kalkars attack the ship
  2) the Kalkars get sick and the ship's crew saves them
  3) the Kalkars are beat up by a BIGGER alien that the ship's
     crew must defeat to save themselves
  4) someone in the ship's crew goes through a psychotic phase
  5) someone in the crew is hurt while scouting and must survive
     while the rescue opeation is underway
  6) a time travel episode would occur -- paradoxically, none
     of its events will actually occur as Or-Tis inadvertently
     turns off the Time Warp thingee and brings everyone back
     just before they save the doomed Laythean civilization
     10,000 years in the past
  7) the ship's crew discovers one of the lost cities while
     trying to reunite with Julian
  8) the young ensign (sorry -- I forget his name) falls in love
     with a Kalkar girl, who dies in the end
  9) Or-Tis tries to take over the ship
 10) Or-Tis tries to take over the ship again
 11) Or-Tis finds Julian and tries to kill him
 12) Or-Tis remembers his childhood and comes to the decision
     that he MUST seize control of all the Kalkar tribes
 13) the young ensign (I still cannot remember his name) finds
     a Laythean princess, falls in love with her, but helps her
     return to her people
 14) the Laytheans capture one of the ship's crew and try him
     for breaking one of their irrational ancient laws
 15) the Kalkars capture the young ensign, Or-Tis tries to
     persuade him to change sides, and finally Or-Tis releases
     him to take back a listening device
 16) an old Kalkar is injured near the ship and the crew takes
     him in; while they argue over whether to kill him or set
     him free his tribe, the Rebel Kalkars show up and demand
     he be released; the crew realizes that not all Kalkars
     are bad
 17) the crew celebrates some holiday (probably Christmas) and
     possibly relive "A Christmas Carol" where Or-Tis plays
     the part of Scrooge and is reformed (but not really)
 18) Or-Tis attacks the ship, this time with Va-gas helping
 19) Or-Tis attacks the ship again, now with an ancient
     Laythean device that the Kalkars could never figure out
     and were worshipping as a god
 20) Julian and Na-ee-la show up and the ship gets ready to
     leave, but Or-Tis attacks and Julian sacrifices himself
     by leading Or-Tis away.  He doesn't see that the ship
     is actually disabled as it disappears over the horizon
     by an ancient PRE-Laythean device Or-Tis has found
 21) a rebel Laythean leader offers to ally with Or-Tis if
     Or-Tis persuades the Kalkars to help overthrow the
     Jemadar
 22) Julian and Na-ee-la are reunited with the ship's crew in
     the season finale/cliffhanger in which they learn that
     she really IS a Laythean princess, but Or-Tis and the
     rebel leader take her away as Julian has to disarm a
     nuclear device Or-Tis has stolen from the Laytheans....


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