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Hobbit actors to risk lives during hiatus - Lord of the Rings news - J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings

June 26, 2000 at 14:20:14

How is that for sensationalistic yellow journalism? The new Stuff Web site is carrying an article from The Southland Times in New Zealand about the upcoming Air New Zealand Queenstown Winter Festival.

The hobbit actors, the article reports, will go snowboarding during their hiatus. Although serious injury and death can occur in snowboarding accidents, the popular sport is enjoyed by hundreds of thousands of enthusiasts around the world every year.

A popular soft-drink commercial running on American television shows a champion snowboarder whizzing down a dangerous mountain slope and a voiceover asks, "What do the world's best snowboarders drink?" Then the champion comes to a perfect stop in front of a soft drink vending machine and another snowboard enthusiast -- obviously not a champion in the sport -- slams into the vending machine.

As they might say on Tattoine, "I don't care what universe you're from, that's gotta hurt!"

The ball where the four actors and producer Barrie Osborne will appear during the festival is a ticket-only affair, so most fans will have to stand on the side and watch as the five stroll non-chalantly with beautiful elf-like women on their arms along the red carpet, and then we'll all read the precious spy reports about how much champagne Elijah Wood drank at 3 A.M. in the morning. The first news article to be posted online will no doubt set a record for most Internet accesses in the first 24 hours, and will be mentioned by the news media around the world for months afterward.

Peter Jackson's "Lord of the Rings" film project resumes production on or about July 24, depending on how bad the hangovers and soft drink vending machine injuries may be.