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New essay by Michael Martinez: 'The Belt Buckle of Truth'

March 14, 2005 at 09:45:35

Michael Martinez has published a tongue-in-cheek essay about adventuring in Middle-earth at MeoSource. As Tolkien fans anxiously await their opportunity to role-play in Middle-earth, they are already hard at work devising strategies and detailed plans.

The Belt Buckle of Truth

Lets face it. If I had been a member of the Fellowship of the Ring, Aragorn and Boromir probably would have left me behind in Moria. I would have gotten caught up in arguing with the other members over whether the Balrog really had wings, or if they were just an illusion it was casting with its power (by the way -- the No-Wingers camp should try that one on for size and see what they can make of it).

Gandalf might have been amused at my attempts to pin down Elrond on just how many great princes and captains there would have been at the breaking of Thangorodrim, versus the marshalling of the hosts of the Last Alliance of Elves and Men. Sure, he was there on both occasions, but did he actually take names? After all, except for Elendil, Isildur, Gil-galad, and maybe one or two others, he doesn't really mention anyone. Why is that?

Gimli probably would not have had much to say to me. After all, Dwarves don't really care much for the details of history. They know someone done their granddaddies wrong, and that is good enough for them. Had Thorin paid closer attention to matters when he fled Erebor with his father and grand-father, he probably would have figured out that there was a secret door somewhere. Maybe he could have asked them if they had stopped to carve a dual curse on the gold jar which is pictured in "Conversation with Smaug".

Boromir would have liked me the least. I would have been rubbing his nose in his lack of proper royal credentials at every opportunity. He had a pretty snide sense of humor, always picking on other people and belittling them. I don't like people who behave that way. It's just so petty. He didn't deserve to be king of Gondor. Who did he think he was, aspiring to royal status anyway? His brother had a right sense of place and duty.

Read the full essay here at MeoSource