Hercules and Xena |
Xenites are expecting a baby.... | Hercules and Xena essays |
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Hercules and Xena |
Xenites are expecting a baby.... | Hercules and Xena essays |
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Xenites are expecting a baby....
Lucy's baby, that is. We'll probably see a "baby boom" in new Web sites if the child becomes some sort of regular or semi-regular character on the show. It's hard to imagine Xena giving up a second child, but then, how do you work a baby into an action series? They've already had the "baby grows up quickly into murderous goddess" syndrome. I hope they won't repeat that theme (but, be warned, if Xena names the baby "Despair", there is no knowing what to expect). At DragonCon Steve Sears (now the former Co-Executive producer) jokingly told the fans he had teased Rob Tapert about playing a god on the show who ravaged Xena. Tapert's eyes, supposedly, lit up and Steve had to assure him it was a joke (but that leads me to wonder if Tapert isn't a Goa'uld or Tok'ra in disguise?). Soon, however, the World Wide Web may be echoing with the pitter-patter of little Grecian feet in audio files. We'll be regaled with image after image of baby Xena (what if it's a boy? -- Will Johnny Cash's hit song be reworked into "A Boy Named Xena"?). There will be Xena baby mailing lists, Xena baby fan fiction (subtext and non-subtext, no doubt), Xena baby wish lists, and Xena babysitting clubs. Venerable Xenites will have to step aside as eager youngsters elbow their way into discussions to talk about the new marketing splash made by the Baby Xena dolls, Tickle Me Baby Xena, and Xena baby clothers. Ancient Greek fashions will be appearing in parks around the world as mothers dress up their newborns in clothes based on whatever practical attire Xena chooses to dress her baby in. And it should get better! Imagine all the Baby Gossip columns that various Webmasters will start up. There will be MaryD's Nursery Rhymes section, Tom Simpson's Toss-the-Baby game (ala "Cradle of Hope" -- wasn't THAT episode name prophetic?), and the Rate-A-Babysitter Web site will allow Xenites to vote for who is the best (or worst) sitter for Baby Xena: Gabrielle, Joxer, Salmoneus (We need more Salmoneus episodes!), or Falafel. Falafel the babysitter? Hey, the guy has to make a living somehow. Baby brawls will break out across the Net as Old Xenites wrangle with the New Xenites over discussion topics. Subtext will become passë and Uber Fiction will be replaced by GurgleFic in which the supertot of ancient Greece takes on gods, monsters, warlords, and irate diaper cleaners. A whole new genre of screen captures and sound bites will spring up within a matter of weeks, and instead of yelling "Alalalalalala!" to show their true fandom, Xenites will be whispering, "Ahhhhhhh!" Long admired by many for showing strong women in strong roles, Xena: Warrior Princess will become a shining paragon of how newborns should be treated. It will be the Village Voice for the voiceless -- only toddlers 2 years old and younger will understand the subtle messages that soon will be appearing in each episode. Today's "in" crowd will hang with the Beatniks and Hippies of the 1950s and 1960s, lost and forgotten amid a new wave of fad and fashion. Cool will be knowing how many trees the Pacifier can bounce off of, gauche will be reminiscing about Argo's unheralded sex change. Gabrielle will play a greater role in the new season, and her fans will respond in droves with new wallpapers showing the Gabster stomping on, flattening, or drowning the new attention grabber. Gabby will have found her Way just in time to watch as a new timeless journey begins: Xena's quest for an endless supply of mushed peas and clean swaddling cloths. Some enterprising Webmasters are probably even now figuring out how they'll draw and update their weekly Babystrips (java-based animated comic strips detailing ala Gurglefic the adventures of Baby Xena). The sage old heads of fandom will be shaking (or is that quaking?) as younger, less experienced hands compose reams of FAQs and polls about what the baby eats, likes, breathes, when it spoke its first word, in what episodes it precociously lifted up the chakram and bounced the weapon off Joxer's helmet. New interpretations of "I love you, Xena" will take off as fans wrestle with the subtleties of "google google splah!" and seek for the hidden meaning in Argo's jealous snorts. And speaking of Argo, what will SHE do once the baby comes along? First Gabrielle takes Xena away from the Wonder horse and now a tot comes along and upsets the new status quo. Maybe we'll be seeing a young colt or filly come about Spring. Xena will have to deliver the newborn and help raise it, of course, to make up to Argo for all those episodes where the horse won't get residuals. Better yet, we may see a Xena Babies spinoff where the colt and filly (why not let Argo have twins?) carry off the kid and go visit Rainbow Bright and the ponies of My Pretty Pony land. Ares will drop in and sing lullabies, bemoaning his fate worse than death, since the world will be a more boring place without Hercules to contend with. There will be no challenge for anyone except Discord, who will finally meet her match in a child that can not only outwit her, but which may look better in leather (...nah). Yeah, Xenites are really looking forward to this new season. Personally, I can't wait.... |
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